Monday, 25 August 2008
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When Life Gets You Down...and Tries to Keep You Down!
I remember it was the week of March 23rd, 1984. I had made so many mistakes in my life, my marriage, my relationships with firends and family, that I felt like the biggest failure on earth. The words that my stepmom used to remind me of quite often "You Will Never Amount to Anything" kept haunting me, and this particular week, they were ringing true in my life.
My life was a mess because of poor choices that I had made in my marriage. My husband was wanting to file for divorce AND take my kids away from me! I was exactly who my stepmom always said I was ... A FAILURE!
My whole life had been such a struggle to please people; and to find love. All of the abuse that was dished out to me was just a constant reminder that I would never or could never be loved nor would I ever please anyone! It was a never ending struggle that I had finally come to the conclusion, I had finally lost.
It was time to go home. It was time to remove myself out of my kids lives because they deserved so much more than what I was able to give them. It was time to remove myself out of my marriage, because my husband sure didn't need a basketcase like me for the rest of his life! And last but not least, it was time to take the pain from my parents of watching me constantly screw up and make a mockery of my life; and of them!
All I had to do now was figure out how to end it all.......and everyone, including me, would finally be at peace.
Fast forward to today: I AM SO GLAD TO BE ALIVE & HEALTHY BECAUSE OF JESUS CHRIST!!!!
I remember that week in my life so clearly! It was as if it were just yesterday! I remember the pain I felt; the sorrow I felt; the disappointment I felt; the anger I felt; and so on and so on ......
I could not decide on one form of suicide to end it all. Every one of the ways that I would come up with to end my life, there was always a reason it wouldn't work, or a reason why I wouldn't be able to pull that off either! I would fail at suicide, like I had failed at everything else in my life!
I PRAISE GOD TODAY THAT I FAILED AT SUICIDE!!! HE CAME TO MY RESCUE AND HE PULLED ME COMPLETELY OUT OF THAT MESS I WAS IN!! What was it that took me from the thought of suicide to total VICTORY in life?? IT WAS A DECISION TO TOTALLY SURRENDER ALL TO HIM. EVERYTHING!
I remember that Saturday morning, so clearly. When I heard His voice, I knew it was Him coming to my rescue! When He said "Don't you think it's time I took over your life", I cried YES LORD!!! And I emptied all of the sorrow, the pain, the failure, the gloom and doom; the embarrassment; all was given to Him that very day!!
I knew my life was not right with Him. I knew at that moment, that without Him, I would die. I didn't really want to die. I just wanted the pain and the stress of my life to GO AWAY!!! I had felt so hopeless!! I just needed to feel HOPE, once again. And HOPE is exactly what I got from Him that very day!
My life prior to this day was filled with alcohol and drugs to numb the pain of what a reject I was. To numb the pain of what a failure I was. To numb the pain of what an embarrassment I was to my husband; my family, and to my friends.
When I cried out YES LORD that day, I immediately KNEW that life was going to be OKAY! I felt an insurmountable peace come over me that I had not felt, EVER, in my life! I just KNEW that everything was going to be okay!!
Did that mean that life changed suddenly; that all of the broken relationships were suddenly mended; all of the bills were finally paid; and so on? Not one iota! But, what it did do, was made me KNOW without a DOUBT, that it was going to be OKAY!! That together with my now Lord & Savior, everything was going to be okay, and I knew He was there with me to walk me through it! No Doubt, whatsoever!
Sometimes life can seem so heavy; and more than we can bare. We feel as if life is about to suck us into this horrible trap that we will never get out of....or maybe we feel we are IN THAT TRAP at this very moment. THAT is when we need to CRY OUT " ABBA FATHER " and let Him come to our rescue! LET HIM come to our rescue! We need to stop trying to handle it all on our own!!!
Sometimes I think that we need to truly hit rock bottom before we realize that it's time to surrender all to Him! That's what happened to me. I realized many years later, after going through this horrible time in my life, that God was with me every single step of the way! He was just WAITING for me to surrender ALL to Him!!!
That isn't always easy to do, for someone who always felt like she had to be "in control" of everything, in her life. Surrendering meant being put in a very vulnerable state; which to me back then, meant that this opened the door for people to take advantage of me; and hurt me. Not an easy thing to do....except for that day.
Somehow, that day, I knew in my heart that Jesus was going to take care of me. He was not going to hurt me, like others had. He was not going to mock or ridicule me, like others had. He was simply going to LOVE ME, and HELP ME, and give me a better way of life. A much better way of life!
I am forever grateful to Him. I honestly can't thank Him enough for what He has done in my life!
He is my Abba Father! My Daddy!
I pray if you are in a situation in your life today that seems insurmountable with pain and suffering; or confusion and stress, please pray and ask the Lord to HELP YOU surrender your life to Him. He truly does want to give you a better life! Just say this prayer, with me:
Father God, I ask you right here and now, to come into my heart today. Lord I know I am not worthy without You. I know my life is not right with You. But, Lord today I confess that I am a sinner, and I confess my shortcomings to You, now, and I ask that You come into my life, and save me, Lord. I invite You today to be my Lord & Savior. I invite You to come into my life and take away the pain I feel in my heart; the suffering I feel in my body; and the confusion I feel in my life. I give it all to You today, Father. I ask You today to be my Abba Father, my Daddy. I give You thanks Lord for doing this, in Jesus' name. AMEN!!!
I ask that if you prayed this prayer with me today that you send me a personal message. I would like to celebrate with YOU!!
Remember, Jesus Is Lord and in Him You CAN do ALL things!! Rest in His Strength! Rest in His Power today, to make the necessary changes in your life!
I love you, and so does He!
God's Blessings!
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Comments (3)
That was a good post, thanks for sharing! one question though, so once we have prayed that prayer - through faith, we will feel better? just that i am undergoing similar things too, i said i would surrender many times, but although i do feel much better these days, does that mean its working - thats how we surrender?just pray and it will be alright? or do we need to do things in our part?
@CiCi - Hey Girl, I wish I could say that the moment you pray this prayer you will immediately feel like you can conquer the world. Some do. Some don't. Some have the most awesome feeling peace come over them, that they immediately know that everything is going to be okay!
What I would suggest is for you to get into God's word and find out who you are in Christ! Find out that FAITH is the substance of things hoped for, and the EVIDENCE of things not yet seen!
Walk in FAITH, hon. Once you pray this prayer and accept Jesus into your heart, He will walk you through life's struggles. You have to BELIEVE that even though you may not immediately feel or see anything different. It's like not being able to see the wind, but you know it's there. It's faith that it's there.
I have another post on my page about Who You are in Christ. Grab your bible and read those scriptures and then STAY IN THE WORD!
Do you have any kind of praise and worship music that you can listen to? If so, I would surround yourself with praise and worship music. Let it permiate your mind! If you honestly don't know how to praise & worship God, and really thank Him for coming into your life, and giving you HOPE, just singing along with the praise & worship music will help motivate you and build your faith!
I will be praying for you Hon!